Sometimes psychologists need help too! I want to share with you my personal journey to effective and lasting change during nine months of personal training sessions.
- How have I become so fat and unfit?
- How can I break this pattern?
- How can I distance myself from the stress and negatives in my life?
Stage One - Sick to Death of Myself
Early January 2013: I have become a sad sack, fat and negative old bastard!
It’s the start of a new year, but it will end up like the last few with me struggling to keep my head above water physically, financially and at times emotionally, unless I do something different.
It’s easy to start health kicks that last a few days, weeks or maybe even months… but how do you create enduring new patterns, and break the bad patterns and reclaim your life?
I am sick to death of myself and I do not want to repeat these years of deterioration until I just cannot summon the energy to try anymore… and I’ll be swept away out of control.
The Starting Line
I dislike the look of my own body, my paunchy belly and rolls of fat, my thickened neck line and chubby face. I am angry at myself and embarrassed that I have become so fat and unfit over the past few years.
I eat junk food and rubbish desserts and guzzle beer, as a token way to mask my unresolved stress, anxiety and financial worries.
I have a gluttonous misperception of reasonable portion size meals. I plate up feasts of fatty, unhealthy foods that would fill 4 x people’s stomachs and think this huge plateful is normal for everyone.
I do not know what I do not know about health, nutrition and sustainable physical exercise.
I am arrogant and defensive and in pathetic self-deluded denial ... my internal self talk is ready with excuses and lies to myself like…
- If I did not have the pressures of a business to run, naturally then I would be fit and train regularly.
- I do not need help or expertise to guide me back to health, because I played sport as a younger man and I know what needs to be done to get back into shape.
- Spending money on a personal trainer is a luxury indulgence and I cannot justify the cost when the other bills are piling up.
And the list could go on and on …
Sadly, I have lost my charisma and joy and vitality for life. I work towards my goals in a mood of resignation, feeling:
- unhappy; and
- slightly irritable, far too frequently.
I do not sleep well and find it difficult to truly relax or unwind. Over dependence on beer, coffee and workaholic office hours seems my only (false) remedies.
Not another Health Kick!
Even my dear wife, son and daughter are legitimately sceptical about my announcement that I am embarking on yet another “health kick”!
Over many years, they have witnessed my pattern of false bravado and broken promises as I entreat to them earnestly that…
This time will be different.
This time I will not quit on myself.
This time I will truly succeed.
Only to see, a few months later, that my healthy attempts have defaulted back to my old negative and undisciplined ways again.
Luckily though, I still believe in my potential and ability and earlier life patterns of success when I was regularly able to happily inspire myself and others.
I know my inner light of strength and wisdom and endurance has never been extinguished, just dimmed and stifled by my own negative thinking and poor choices in food, health, rest and play.
Serendipity and desperation both combine to send me, reluctantly, to talk to a personal trainer.
Is it Worth the Money?
I am still sceptical and defensive about spending the money, but I know deep down my own unhealthy patterns have become more and more entrenched over time.
My recent past attempts to shift back into healthier ways have resulted in a brief burst of enthusiasm - followed by a slow decline back into the bad old ways.
This time, I say, Yes – let’s try something different, just for a little while, to break my old patterns.
I am blessed that despite my own obstacles and distractions, good fortune has smiled upon me and I have found the right Personal Trainer for me.
A magnificent journey has begun, despite me being still naively unaware of how much growth and insight will occur as I head back towards healthy vitality, the original blueprint for all of us!
Join me over these next 5 blogs as I explore the different stages of my own personal transformation, and how that has led me to insights that I now use to help others to reclaim their energy and their lives ...
In my next post, you will hear about the obstacles I faced, and how they were overcome, as I struggled past my usual time limit of previous “health kicks”.
In the meantime, I'd welcome your comments about your own struggles and in particular, how your workplace has supported (or not) your own attempts to improve all around wellbeing.